Pissing Rocks

A few years ago I was on a business trip in northern Michigan. It was a trip of 3 days visiting the customer. On the third day I went into the customer's facility early in the morning because I had a flight back home in the afternoon. I woke up and was not feeling especially well. My lower back hurt and I felt like I had to pee every 5 minutes. I don't know what is going on so I call the Chief and say that I am coming home early. The Chief dropped me off at the airport so I needed to tell her if I was coming home early otherwise I would be sitting there waiting until she came to get me.

I then called my customer and told them I was ill and was going to go home. We had pretty much finished up the day before but we were going to have a final meeting. I suggested we do this the following day via conference call. They agreed, which was a good thing because I was not going into the plant regardless of their request. I was experiencing things I have never felt before and not in a good way.

I go to the airport and change my flight to an earlier one. I think I got back 8 hours earlier than I had originally scheduled. I had a one stop flight in Detroit. By this time I am feeling worse. I ask the Chief to make me a doctor appointment. I don't know what is wrong but I know there are some definite things that are not correct with either my kidneys, bladder, lower back, lumbar vertebra or something else in that general area.

The flight from Detroit is only an hour but that was one of the longest flights of my life. I spent about half of it in the airplane restroom trying to figure out why it felt like I had to pee every 2 minutes and only a trickle would come out. I'm lucky they didn't think I was up to something, like smoking...

I arrive at my home airport and the Chief picks me up and takes me to our family doctor. She proceeds to give me a quick exam and then she gives me a shot, not alcohol, better. I get a shot of Demerol. It is some wonderful stuff. The nurse did not give me very much but it did the job very well. It wasn't that the medicine made the pain go away. It did not make the pain go away. I very clearly remember that it still hurt, and hurt bad. I just didn't care that it hurt.

The doctor sent me for x-rays and it turned out that I had a kidney stone. The stone was small enough that I could pass it on my own without any external help. The doctor gave me a urine strainer to catch the stone. The funny thing was, the urine strainer looked exactly the same as the filters my company uses to filter paint made in the lab...

I'm not sure why but I don't catch the stone during the straining process. Maybe it was too small to be caught by the strainer, I hope not because it felt like a boulder. The other possibility is that I woke up in the middle of the night and forgot to use the strainer. I can see how this is possible since I don't normally make a habit of straining my urine and if I was sleep-peeing I know all bets are off. What I didn't know is that the stones can be analyzed and the results used to help with a patient's diet. By the composition of the stone doctors can tell you what to eat and other stuff to avoid. I did not have the benefit of this advice.

I have no more problems and go about my business as usual.

About 6 months later I wake up for work one morning and start having severe back pain. At first I think it might be another kidney stone, but after a half hour or so I believe it is something different. The pain is many orders of magnitude worse. The Chief is working a job where she is on third shift at the time so  I wake her up and ask her to take me to the emergency room. She asks if it is another kidney stone. I say, "no, it hurts much worse and the area where it hurts is much larger than before."

We get in the car and leave. After we get about 3 blocks away from our house I say, "Pull the car over." The Chief pulls the car over and I proceed to throw up in a neighbor's driveway. I compose myself and then we go to a local hospital. The Chief lets me off at the door and I walk into the ER to the nurse's station.

I didn't exactly know how to get some attention but I found a method that works pretty quickly. I say to the nurse behind the desk, "I hurt here!" and make hand gestures from the bottom of my rib cage to below my waist. Then I lay down on the floor. It turns out that is all you have to do to get some attention in a hurry. You can use that for future reference...

The nurse starts an IV and then I go into radiology for an X-ray. It turns out it is another kidney stone. This time it is much larger than the first one. One of the nurses says, "Here you go. This is some good stuff." He injects it into my IV and a warm sensation spreads from my left arm to my shoulder, to my abdomen to my hips and on down my legs. When it reached my junk, once again it felt as if I peed myself. I think I had to reach down and make sure I didn't...

This pain killer was better than the Demerol. This time I also did not care if it hurt. It also did not hurt anymore.

This time I was able to catch the stone and send it in for analysis. It turns out that I need to lay off the coffee (I was drinking 2+ cups a day) and eat more citrus. Since I never want to do this again, I have taken both of those steps.

Here is the culprit.

Not the penny...

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Chief Cuts Now Open for Business

One of my presents for Christmas 2011 was a set of hair trimmers. I looked at the cost of a haircut by a professional and how much the clippers cost and decided that by the fourth haircut we would have our money back for the trimmers. Before putting the clippers on my list, I checked with the Chief to make sure she was OK with giving me haircuts. She agreed. So I put them on my Christmas list and someone got them for me.

My first haircut by the Chief was later in January 2012 and the Chief did a great job. There was hair all over the place, which was expected and we had planned for it. The second haircut was in late March and again the Chief did a good job. The second cut took a little less time than the first. The third cut was in mid July and she again did a great job. I also think she did it faster than the second cut. She is getting the hang of this!

When we started this endeavor, I was concerned that the Chief would make a mistake. I did not think she would make a mistake on the first haircut, and maybe not the second either. Here was my reasoning: the first couple cuts the Chief would be very nervous and very careful about not making a mistake and doing a good job. The second or third cut she would be more comfortable and potentially more prone to making mistakes probably caused by going to fast or cutting corners.

The way she gives the haircut is to start with a large guard on the clippers and gradually move to a smaller guard until the top is the correct length. Then she will drop another guard number on the sides and then do the trim work around my ears and neck. It is a simple process and she is getting pretty good about it. She is getting faster as predicted but she did not make a mistake until the fourth cut... this Saturday.

She started out normally getting the clippers set and asking about the different guards we used. She asked: "Did you like the guard we used last time?" My answer was, "Yes, it was fine. I think it was a half inch, or maybe five eights." Her response was, "OK." Then I hear some fumbling with the clippers. Then the clippers turn on, and I feel her start near my side burns and go up to the top of my head. Then I hear a gasp from the Chief. Here's why...

She forgot to put the guard on the clippers... I made her stop and take a picture of my head... I was laughing the entire time, she was mortified and feels horrible about it.

So now I am buzzed and I must say, I didn't realize how much my hair insulated the top of my head. It is a little cool outside this weekend and I am wearing a sock hat every time I go outside.

On the bright side, having very short hair, at least shorter than I have ever had as far back as I can remember, has some advantages:

1. I won't need a comb, for at least 3 weeks
2. I won't use near as much shampoo
3. I won't need to wear a swim cap when I go and swim - I still will because it helps keep in my ear plugs

On the downside, 

1. I will need to wear sunblock or a hat on my head whenever I go running at lunch
2. My head will be cold, but I can wear a hat...

Now the Chief will not cut anyone's hair except mine. Not that she did before, but now it is official. I'm sorry, you had your chance or a Chief Cut but now it is over...

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UPDATE:
It seems like the Chief may have done me a favor... it turns out that having a very short haircut make me look more confident, dominant, mature, and appear to be a better leader. All in all, it looks like a haircut may get me a promotion... Don't believe me? Watch this video from the Wall Street Journal here.

Told ya...

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A Battle in Your Armpits

I just realized something a couple days ago. I have been wearing the same deodorant for as long as I can remember. I wear Old Spice and the scent is High Endurance. I always get Old Spice, sometimes the scent varies. I normally purchase it from Sam's club and when you shop there you get to buy what they have, sometimes at a slight discount versus other retailers...

I like this deodorant and scent, obviously, or I would not use it for years on end. I also have, at any one time no less than 3 sticks of deodorant in use. I have one in the bathroom at home, one in the locker room at work for the lunch time workouts, and one in my gym bag for swimming. There might also be one in each of my other gym bags that I use for everything else. So there is a minimum of 3 and as many 6 in service at any one time. Some get used more than others, for instance my swim bag gets used frequently and as a result I need to replace that deodorant more frequently than some.

The nice thing about the having all these sticks open is that you can see how the packaging has changed over some time period. I did notice a change in the labeling on the most recent stick. Here is the label on the old stick.

The new label seems to have branched out a bit on what the product does...

I hope the "Atomic Robots" and the "Scent Elves" get along peacefully. I don't want an uprising in my armpits.

Of course, every morning I do this while I'm putting on my deodorant.

Ask the Chief if you don't believe me...

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The Year of the Pecker-Gnat

One of the strange this about this year is the weather... it is not so much global warming as it is global weirding, or perhaps global laming. One thing I noticed a lot of when I was training earlier in the year was the sheer number of insects out and about. The first thing I learned about said insects is that a combination of Coppertone Sport SPF 50 and sweat will kill any bug that has the misfortune to run into my bare arms, legs, neck... etc.

When I would get done with a long bike ride I would be covered with small flies and other bugs. On one particular ride, I went through a swarm of bugs very early in the ride. When I got home and finished the ride, I took a shower and later that night I realized I had many small spots all over my arms. The bugs left tan lines  leaving light spots everywhere a bug was.

I also rode through my share of bug swarms, mainly consisting of pecker-gnats. I would invariably get a mouth full, or at least a lung full. Extra protein... yummy.

Gnat Swarm found here

I am calling this the Year of the Pecker-Gnat because even though it is now fall, there still seem to be an inordinate number of these little bugs. They also seem to be small enough to make it through the screens in our windows at home. There is nothing better than sitting down to eat and being dive bombed by 2 or 3 pecker gnats.

I hate those things.

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