Where to Go Number One

I consider myself to be a somewhat normal guy. The Chief might not necessarily agree with me. I am an engineer but I have been described by others as an extroverted engineer, wherein I stare at other people's shoes instead of my own. I really could care less what your shoes look like so don't stop by and show me...

As a result of being a guy, I am rather fond of a few normal guy things for instance:

• Beer
• Working with power tools (not with beer, normally)
• The Chief's butt 
• Chicken wings
• Taking stuff apart to see how it works (otherwise known as breaking stuff)
• Toilet humor
• The Chief's butt
• Beer
• Riding at 235 kilometers/hour in the back seat of a BMW M5 

I consider the things above normal. Since I listed those items, I would like to concentrate the next few words to "Toilet Humor." Here goes...

Why do the urinals in Germany look a lot like cleavage? Please see the comparison below.

If you click on the picture it will enlarge... (the picture will enlarge).

I don't know the answer to my question either.

UPDATE:
I did however go through some of my old pictures from a previous trip to Germany and I found this gem.

This explains a lot. It starts to explain some of the strangeness that is the German Urinal. Second it explains why the Germans are better than us at soccer. They can practice even when taking a leak...

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P.S. I found the woman's picture here.

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"Here's Your Sign..."

This trip to Germany is winding down. We finished early and are heading home on Sunday. We would have liked to return on Saturday but it was cost prohibitive (greater than $1000) to change the flights to Saturday. Plus, the flight schedule changes on Saturdays so we would not be able to have the same flights and would have caused a 7 hour layover in Atlanta. Not that I don't love the airport in Atlanta, but I could drive home from Atlanta faster than a 7 hour layover and a 75 minute flight.

On Saturday of the trip we did not do anything work related. We drove around the countryside and stopped at a couple towns. We viewed a castle (we didn't take the tour) and looked in a couple of churches. You can see some of the results below.

It is Sigmaringen Castle and the church is next to the castle. The original castle was built sometime before 1077 according to this article.

After visiting the castle, it was time to eat. What else should you eat in Germany but a brat and beer from a roadside stand. While we were eating it started raining fairly steady and the wind picked up a little making it not as comfortable. We decided to go back to the hotel and sit in the dry restaurant and have some beer and maybe some food after a while.

On Friday night after work we went to an Italian restaurant for dinner. We had a variety of appetizers which was enough for a meal. We followed it with a pizza, each. The pizzas are similar in size to a medium pizza in the USA. I ate half of my pizza and took the rest back to the hotel in a box for breakfast the next morning.

Saturday morning I was scheduled to meet my colleagues at 9:30 so that gave me plenty of time to get up and run in the daylight. I got up at 7:15 and went to run. Since it was fully light my options were more open than on my other nightly wandering. The factory where we are working is about a mile from the hotel. It is down quite a large hill. So on my run, I thought it would be a good idea to run down to the factory and back. Once I made it down to the factory I thought it would be a good idea to run on down the bicycle path a little more. I was wanting my Garmin to hit 2 miles and then I was going to turn around. I made it to the next little town and turned around. Then I looked at the route in Google Earth. Here is the route:

I realized there was some hill climbing that I was going to be required to do on the way back. That is why I added an extra mile after the out and back to make the route 5 miles. The lowest elevation at the "out" section was 2184 feet. The elevation at the hotel is 2602 feet. My run gained 418 feet of elevation is a little less than a mile and a half, a little more than a 5% incline... my overall pace was just over 9 minutes per mile. After all the beer and German food this week, I think that is pretty good.

After the run I finished off the pizza from dinner on Friday. Then went to meet my colleagues. One asked me if I ran. I told them I did and where I ran. Here is that conversation:

     Colleague:        Where did you run this morning?

     TurkeyToad:    Down past the factory and down the next hill into the next
                             town.

     Colleague:        Did you run all they way back up the hill?

     TurkeyToad:     Nope, I teleported!

My apologies to Bill Engvall ...

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P.S. Saturday night / Sunday morning is the change to daylight savings time in Germany. We have a morning flight at 10:20 am but we need to leave the town at 6:15 am in order to have enough time. We will lose an hour during the night. If all three of us have problems with our alarm clocks it might not be pretty...

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Epic Time Zone Fail

This trip in Germany started out OK even though it is a very last minute trip. Other than a lack of sleep upon arrival it is going pretty well. On Tuesday evening I realized that the last time I was in a bed sleeping was on Sunday night/Monday morning. I slept 2-3 hours on the 7 hour flight. Then I had the pleasure of waiting for 4 hours in Amsterdam airport.

I leave Amsterdam and arrive in Germany but I need to wait 2 hours for a colleague to arrive. By taking the next flight 2 hours later my colleague saved $900. I think I got the last ticket at the lower price for the flight to Amsterdam to Germany... anyway, it would have cost him $900 to be on the same flight as me. So I get to wait... I had a snack and laid my head down on the table and took a 30 minute nap.

So best case scenario I had 3 and a half hours of sleep from 6:30am on Monday morning to Tuesday evening. That is pushing it a little bit for me but I managed. The 6 hour time difference is not too bad.

My cell phone is a global phone and works everywhere that I have been so far. It does not have the same problem as some blackberry phones when it comes to changing time. My phone changes time to the current local time where blackberry phones do not always change.

That is very fortunate for me because I always use my phone as my alarm clock. So on Tuesday night I go to bed around 10:00pm and set my phone alarm for 5:30am so that I can get in a run before work. My alarm goes off at 5:30am and I wake up and think I'll cut my run a little shorter than normal and sleep an extra half hour. So I set the alarm for 6:00 am and get up and almost say no, I don't need to run. I need to sleep. I went to the bathroom and then got back into bed. Then I started to feel guilty and got up and went to run. It is still dark and should start to get light around 6:30.

I am a little tired during the run and don't run very fast or very far. I finished 3.3 miles in 30 minutes when I normally finish 3.5 miles in 28 minutes.

The funny thing is that it is not even a little bit light. The stars are bright and there was not a soul on the road. By the end of the run it is still not even a little light.

I get back to my room and get ready to take a shower and start the day. When I decide to look at my computer. It was on with the screen shut. I opened it up and it said 7:45pm. My laptop does not change time. It is always the time it is at home. I was a little tired but I could still do some simple math. 7:45 pm plus 6 hours is 1:45 am. I immediately look at my phone and it says 6:45 am... I then look at my watch and it say 1:45 am. Lame.

I had the privilege or running in Germany starting at 1:15 am until 1:45 am. Who else can say that?

The last time I was in Korea I set my phone time zone for GSM as Seoul. When my phone changed to a GSM network after being at the hotel for a couple hours so the dumb phone changed to the time in Seoul. Which is all well and good but I'm in Germany. I fiddle with the settings and find the time zone I'm in and sure enough, I have Seoul selected. I change it to Berlin and wham bam, 1:45 am shows up. Well by now it is pushing 1:55 am.

So I go back to bed after resetting the alarm for 6:45 - I'm meeting the guys for breakfast at 7:30.

I still like my dumb phone.

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Losing Against Nobody

I found a March Madness tournament bracket that has Michigan State making it all the way to the final game however, at that point the author’s faith in Tom Izzo and crew vanishes. Michigan State is playing nobody in the final game… and loses to Kansas… 

I thought they would have a good chance if the other side of the bracket is wiped off the sheet of paper.

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I'm Watching You

A few weeks ago I had lasik done so I can stop it with the contact and glasses. It got to a point that whenever I would fly overnight I would have very dry cloudy, uncomfortable contact lenses when I arrived at my destination. I also have two friends that had it done a few years ago and they cannot say anything bad about it.

The doctor I chose was recommended by a co-worker who, despite a small complication, has perfect vision and no problems today. Plus it is not too far from my house. The doctor does not advertise on the radio or TV for discount lasik. When it comes to my eyesight, I'm not looking for the lowest cost provider. I'm looking for someone with a lot of experience and a good track record. When my coworker told me about the problem she had and that the doctor required her to visit every day for a couple weeks until the issue was corrected, it made me feel good. Her issue was the flap did not lay down smoothly after the surgery. So she went in every day and had the doctor work on smoothing it out until it laid flat.

The procedure consists of cutting the cornea and creating a flap that is peeled back. Then a portion of the rest of the cornea is lasered away depending the prescription being corrected. Then the flap is placed back down and smoothed out.

Before the procedure, you must sign a paper that lists all the possible problems that could happen. All the problems have a less than 1 percent chance of happening. According to the doctor none of the serious issues in the literature have happened. But I could always be the first. (So far so good, I'm not the first... yet)

One of the more serious complications is obviously blindness... and there are various infections and other complications like: the laser machine could break and fall down crushing your head against the table you are laying on causing certain brain damage and quite possibly leaving a mark. I think the chances of that are very low... surely less than 1 percent.

Pepe recommended that I take a nap after the procedure to help let my eyes heal, especially since I might not be seeing well. So I took the day off from work. I went to a one hour spinning class in the early morning. A couple hours later, I went for a run and did some speed work with the total run being about 5 miles. I originally planned to swim after the spinning class but I grabbed the wrong bag of workout clothes and didn't have goggles or a swimsuit. The goggles were more of a problem, I could swim in my bike shorts if I needed to, I have done it before. Anyway, I did my best to make myself tired before the surgery. I did a good job.

The doctor gave me some Valium to calm me down and help me relax during the surgery. I don't really remember feeling too different after taking the pill. It kind of made my stomach a little upset. It did take my mind off the upcoming procedure... I guess that was the point.

I go in for the procedure. I lay down and they cover me up with a sheet. Cover up one eye and put in some numbing drops. Then they take a retractor and hold the eye lids open. Next a small suction cup like thing comes down onto the cornea, a laser makes a small incision around the suction cup, but not all the way around. The suction cup is removed, the flap is peeled back, and the layer under the flap is reshaped using another laser. There is some cleaning and disinfecting thrown into the mix as well, but that is the basic idea. Then the flap is replaced and smoothed out. Then I lay there for about 5 minutes while it sets and starts to heal. Then the procedure is repeated with the other eye.

The entire procedure took about 30 minutes from the time I entered the room, until the time I left the room.

The Chief was in the lasik waiting room watching the procedure on a television monitor. She took some pictures with her phone. The pictures are somewhat graphic, don't look if you are not comfortable, I won't judge you. The first picture is my eye with the eyelid retractor. The picture is here. The second picture is after the flap is cut and peeled back. It shows a rough surface with the flap folded down. I figured the flap would be smooth on both sides, I was wrong. When the flap was peeled back it looked like I was looking through very rough glass. The picture is here.

After the procedure, it felt like I had sand in my eyes, but I could not rub them. It felt better with my eyes closed so sleeping was a good idea, thanks Pepe. I did sleep for a couple hours after the surgery. When I woke up I could see, not perfectly, but definitely better than before.

The next morning I drove myself to the eye doctor for the first followup. My left eye (originally the weak eye) was pretty clear, the right eye was fuzzy like I had in dry contact lenses. The eye doctor said there was a small wrinkle in the flap. He numbed my eye and asked a nurse to hold my head into the eye-checker-thingy. He then took a small needle and squirted some fluid in and around the flap then he smoothed it out. Again it felt like I had sand in my eye. I slept for another couple hours, then both eyes were the same, 98% of where they were with contact lenses in. I went in the next day and this was confirmed, I had 20/25 vision in my left eye and 20/30 in my right eye.

The next week's follow up I was 20/25 in both eyes. The only issue I have encountered is dry eyes. But I have some drops that help. There is also a little bit of a halo when driving at night, but it is no worse than driving with dry contact lenses. Barring any problem my next appointment is at the end of March.

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A Shoe for Your Boss

I have not been able to post this for a long time. The employee that this story is made possible by, no longer works at our company... his last day was January 2.

First a little background, I work at a fun company. The people that I work with are a lot of fun, the kind of people I like to spend time with outside of work, mainly drinking and running. We also like to play practical jokes on each other from time to time. That being said, some interesting things happen on occasion that make for good stories. I will attempt to tell one such story here.

The timing for this story is fall of 2009. It is a rainy day, which turns out to be one of the key elements for the story.

We are in a meeting discussing one of our technology markets and going through customer updates. The meeting normally lasts about an hour and a half and is sometimes a little boring, especially if you are already updated on the projects being discussed. That happened to be the case for a couple of us on this day.

The layout of our conference room is a long table surrounded by chairs. I am sitting on one side between the Research Manager and a Technical Service/Engineering Representative (Rodney). Rodney reports to me through the corporate hierarchy. All the chemists report to the Research Manager. The RM, Project Managers and I all report to the Department Manager. Here is the layout of the conference room.

The chemist sitting across the table from RM is Random Task. I call him Random Task because of what he does for us. He does the small in depth projects. Because of this he works on a lot of different types of projects... hence, Random Task.

About 30 minutes into the meeting we are discussing customer 7 out of maybe 50. I’m getting a little tired because we are in the lazy time after lunch when the food you have eaten is digesting…  RM is apparently feeling the same way because he hits me in the arm with his elbow. I immediately think that I’m sitting too close and move my chair a little farther away from him. He was not trying to increase his personal space envelope; he was trying to get my attention. About, 30 seconds later he elbows me again. This time I give him a “what’s up” look. He immediately leans back in the chair and looks under the table. I take the hint and look under the table. I first notice that Random Task is not wearing any shoes. I’m not sure why he is not wearing shoes. I didn’t know that shoes were optional at work when you were in a meeting lasting longer than 30 minutes. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Our parent company is Japanese and the office staff all wear slippers. Some of the lab workers wear slippers too which I'm not sure would meet US safety standards...

The second thing I notice is that RM has kicked one of Random Task’s shoes over in front of me. This looks interesting. So I write a note to Rodney and ask him to kick Random Task’s shoe down the table. He takes some initiative and gets up to get a drink of water and in the process kicks the shoe under one of the empty chairs behind us. No one notices this except RM and I.

We go through a few more customers and are in the middle of discussing the status of our project with customer 10 when Random Task says, “Hey, where is my shoe. My other shoe is gone.” The meeting stops for a few seconds while everyone stares at Random Task.

I’m the first to break the silence by asking him, “Were you wearing them both when you came in?”

He just sits there for a few seconds and then the meeting continues and we finish up with customer 10 and move on to customer 11. Little did we know that festering inside Random Task is a boiling rage that is about to erupt. RT figures out that Research Manager, his boss, has something to do with his missing shoe. He was really the only one within reach under the table. RT says to his boss, “Where is my shoe, you jerk!!” Then, he proceeds to pick up his remaining shoe and throws it at Research Manager and hits him square in the chest.

The next thing said is “Who throws a shoe?” (Click and follow the link - The next day after the indecent I found this clip and sent it to him)

I’m not sure what happened after this. I know the meeting was quickly over. I’m not sure of the disciplinary action taken, if there was any. Random Task was still working for us in the same capacity until his recent departure a few days ago. 

One other important point is that 2 or 3 weeks prior to the Shoegate 2009 incident, Random Task did this to Research Manager’s bicycle:

I guess the moral of the story, if there is one, is that if you can’t take a joke don’t make one.

Last year for April Fool’s day we did this to Random Task’s cubicle. His boss did not help with the prank for fear of another incident.

Random Task also likes the name I am using for him in my blog...

I may have some more stories about Random Task in the future.

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